Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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