So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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