I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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