hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
