Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
