I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
It's never too late to be topless.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
