This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
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