Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
