I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
