Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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