ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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