They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
