I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize