I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
