Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Actions speak louder than pants.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
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