To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
