Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
