Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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