Umm I'm too high to move.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
