Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
