he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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