I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
