Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
