the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
