the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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