Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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