Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
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