i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
