i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
