i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
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