Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize