Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Randomize
