My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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