Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
