Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
He has the fingertips of a God
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