Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
