Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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