HIV tests are more positive than that guy
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Randomize
