So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
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