I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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