Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I'm having to shit out rocks
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
