lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
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