Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
