when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Randomize
