i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Randomize
