his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
