Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
