This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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