There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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