Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
