Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
