I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
