So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
