alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Randomize
