he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
