i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
no. you can't hotbox the world.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
