I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
