Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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