I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
