He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
