I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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