Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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