I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
he fucked my hip out of place.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
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I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
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Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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