I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
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He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
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If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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