Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Randomize
