Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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