That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
