went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
