I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
