So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
