We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
