Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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