im about as happy as oj after his trial
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I forgot wine drunk hurts
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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