you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
You took a bar mat shot.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
