i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
There r osticjed everywhere
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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