Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Randomize
