dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.