i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
oh god was she eating orange peels again
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Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
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and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
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