So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
