Texts From Last Night

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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...

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  (412): And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas... http://tfl.nu/n2co
  Replies (1) Good night (891) Bad night (1105)
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  (318): View more from Louisiana

  That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch

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  (318): That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch http://tfl.nu/faw2
  Replies (4) Good night (1357) Bad night (603)
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  (337): View more from Louisiana

  Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.

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  (337): Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again. http://tfl.nu/uobp
  Replies (17) Good night (3804) Bad night (944)
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  (507): View more from Minnesota

  I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point

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  (507): I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point http://tfl.nu/celc
  Replies (40) Good night (2002) Bad night (7250)
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.

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  (443): I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people. http://tfl.nu/qtnv
  Replies (30) Good night (6582) Bad night (1443)
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  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.

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  (918): no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh. http://tfl.nu/6iss
  Replies (10) Good night (1015) Bad night (3898)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.

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  (201): I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday. http://tfl.nu/fib9
  Replies (49) Good night (5445) Bad night (1417)
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  (615): View more from Tennessee

  you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.

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  (615): you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this. http://tfl.nu/3l9v
  Replies (30) Good night (1124) Bad night (7680)
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  (252): View more from North Carolina

  she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?

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  (252): she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her? http://tfl.nu/iav7
  Replies (14) Good night (5230) Bad night (1193)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.

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  (203): No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience. http://tfl.nu/6ty7
  Replies (11) Good night (1605) Bad night (889)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....

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  (303): The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING.... http://tfl.nu/av21
  Replies (7) Good night (1987) Bad night (508)
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  (+46): View more from Sweden

  Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving

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  (+46): Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving http://tfl.nu/pqr1
  Replies (3) Good night (1187) Bad night (411)
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  (828): View more from North Carolina

  He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.

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  (828): He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something. http://tfl.nu/ank0
  Replies (4) Good night (684) Bad night (478)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Do you think the firemen will remember me?

  (315): View more from New York

  Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.

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  (617): Do you think the firemen will remember me? (315): Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants. http://tfl.nu/g199
  Replies (2) Good night (470) Bad night (506)
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  (208): View more from Idaho

  Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings

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  (208): Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings http://tfl.nu/oj8r
  Replies (0) Good night (284) Bad night (449)

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