fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Randomize
