watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
