I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Randomize
