You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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