so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
