remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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